Re: OT: Re: ceaser-2

On Aug 24, 2007, at 11:15 PM, Paul Bowers wrote:

> As a speaker (and I use the term loosely) of French and a former
> violin
> player

How is lightning like a violist's fingers? Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

How do you keep your violin from getting stolen? Put it in a viola case.

What's the difference between a violin and a viola? The viola burns longer.
The viola holds more beer.
You can tune the violin.

We all know that a viola is better than a violin because it burns longer. But why does it burn longer?
It's usually still in the case.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a viola and an onion? No one cries when you cut up a viola.

What's the definiton of "perfect pitch?" Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.

And the violin jokes-----

What's the difference between a violin and a viola? There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A fiddle is fun to listen to.

Why are viola jokes so short?
So violinists can understand them.

How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching.

String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune."

Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile?
Both are offensive and inaccurate.

Why don't viola players suffer from piles (hæmorrhoids)? Because all the assholes are in the first violin section.

Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument? Violins don't have spit valves.

Christopher Wright P.E. |"They couldn't hit an elephant at chrisw@skypoint.com | this distance" (last words of Gen.

.......................................| John Sedgwick, Spotsylvania